I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
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