you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
