Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
