I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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