Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you traded sex for a burrito?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can't turn off my feet"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
