I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
