Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
