I bet he comes in French.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have aggressive nipples.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
