We won't sleep together?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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