so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
A bitchslap is in order.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
