Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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