according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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