He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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