im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
