Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
