so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
