There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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