Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
