I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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