I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize