I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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