You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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