There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
