Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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