Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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