I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize