I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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