I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
