I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
