remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
