he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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