Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
