there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize