evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
