I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
