There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
