im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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