Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize