why didn't you poke me back
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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