When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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