i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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