ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
