At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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