Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize