Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we made out on top of his cat.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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