Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
