I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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