Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
