barbara walters just said penis...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
