You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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