In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
