my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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