Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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