And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
