Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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