I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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