How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
