I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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