I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
