see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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