Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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