I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize