every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
