Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
