I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
