ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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