The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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