Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Yes give me all the cream and he's gone

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(323): View more from California

how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.

Fav 9 2419 1073
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(207): View more from Maine

I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.

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(757): View more from Virginia

And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."

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(707): View more from California

someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.

Fav 26 2529 1703
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(515): View more from Iowa

you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.

Fav 8 3969 1191
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(801): View more from Utah

I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.

Fav 2 1131 576
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana

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