I must be too annoying 4 u.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
