drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
