IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
